_turks+soda

So I was at Starfucks yesterday, wrapping up a day of work when I overhead this chilling conversation. There was a group of fat, overly concerned parents talking at this table next to me. Hefer #1 asked Hefer #2 why she was going to San Francisco this upcoming weekend. 

She replies that she is attending a pediatric AIDS fundraiser. So, far so good. 

Hefer #2 adds, "AND GUESS WHAT?! GUESS WHO IS PLAYING A SPECIAL PRIVATE SET FOR US.... MILEY CYRUS!!!!"

My heart drops. 

Hefer #2 is killing me at this point. But then puts icing on her deathcake:

"Shes not as good as Taylor Swift though. I literally know all the words to every song of hers, I just think she's great!"

Jesus, pussypoppin' christ. Is Rachel Ray, The View and Redbook not enough to keep this bitches soul "in the loop"? These are the things culture has created for her to dull her deep-fried mind while she neatly folds clothes for a family that doesn't love her. I mean, why does she co-opt her kids' retarded culture? 

I mean, lets face it. While no one is home, in that shitty house of hers that smells of cat piss and Velveta, she puts the TV on Disney, pulls off her sundress, hangs it over the recliner her dad died in, and uses Crisco to lube up that ol' puss while the Jonas Brothers are on. Chastity rings are so hot right now. Woof!